HelloGoodbye
by Mandz0805
Summary: Java Junkie fic. Takes place after Bon Voyage. Just kept thinking about what would happen after the episode and had to write it. Some Rory, a good bit of Emily and Richard.
1. Chapter 1

"Bye Luke" Rory eyes shined with tears but she remained stoic, she didn't want to break down in front of her mother. She knew her mom was putting on a brave face but she also knew she was the most fragile she had ever seen her, like a glass doll, she looked like she could crack at any moment.

Rory held her arms out towards Luke, and without any awkwardness he embraced her. She unabashedly pressed her face into his shirt and breathed in his scent. He smelt like the breakfast they'd just devoured but there was an underlying clean Luke smell.

It was comforting.

He chuckled and she felt the deep rumble against her head, she looked up at him as he said. "You're going to miss your flight, Obama is waiting" His eyes smiled with sadness.

She wasn't embarrassed as she pulled away and caught her mom taking in the whole scene. She didn't know when she'd be back here and she wanted to take it all in, savour it.

"Luke's right hon, we better get going" Lorelai spoke with reluctance, she hated to break up the moment. She loved seeing her daughter hug Luke like that.

It made her think of how it should be. If things hadn't gone so wrong, this scene could be taking place at the airport. Luke would have gone there with her to drop off Rory and she would have been just as sad but the feeling that she was going to combust would have been less, because he would have been holding her. She would have known that she would be going home with him, their home, and perhaps…. just perhaps there would have been new life growing in her belly which would have made it all more bearable…but there was none of that.

She would have to say goodbye to her daughter alone, and she would be going to her home alone, and she didn't really know where Luke and her were heading and whether they could fix them and maybe there wasn't a chance now for babies and…

"Mom?" Her thoughts were interrupted by Rory, by the look on her face Lorelai could sense she had been calling her name more than once.

"S-S-S- sorry" She averted her eyes and tucked her hair behind her ear nervously as she could feel Luke and Rory looking at her concerned. "W-we should go" She stuttered and looked around for her purse.

She gave Luke a watery smile and herded Rory towards the door. Rory walked ahead of her to the jeep and Lorelai followed. She felt Luke remain close behind her and as Rory sat in the car he stood in front of her before she could open her own door.

"Hey" He said softly, he placed his hands on her forearms. It was the first time he'd touched her since their kiss the night before, it felt like another lifetime now. It surprised her.

"Hey" She replied, looking up at him expectedly and not knowing what else to say.

"Once you've dropped Rory, maybe you could stop by the diner…" He thought then that maybe she wouldn't want to come back to the diner with all the towns people looking at her with sympathy or with knowing eyes after seeing the kiss. "…Or you could go home and call me, I'll come over with food…or whatever" he trailed off.

Her face gave nothing away, she was comforted that he was there but she felt a degree of numbness, mainly caused by the goodbye she was going to have to say in the next couple of hours.

He shook his head, at a loss of what to do with her silence, it wasn't often that she didn't talk.

"…I just don't want you to be alone…" He uttered.

She seemed to awaken then, she smiled and took a deep breath, "Thanks Luke, I'll call you when I get back…I'm…I'm glad you're here" She tried to convey how much she meant this with her eyes, hoping he would understand that she couldn't open herself up to him right now, if she did she would most likely break down and probably be unable to get back up.

He smiled too, the uncertainty gone, he seemed to understand.

He rubbed her arms a little, looking over her head, avoiding her face. He wanted to kiss her but they were both aware that Rory was sat in the car. Then again, her view was of her Mothers behind so Luke decided to take the risk and kiss her after all. She received the kiss with surprising ease. It felt normal, natural, but then their physical relationship hadn't been the issue.

He pulled her closer and squeezed her, "It'll be OK" he whispered in her ear as she rested her face into his neck. She remained there and he felt her nod.

He gently pushed her away and opened the car door for her. "Don't forget to call"

She kept eye contact "I won't".

The door slamming shut refocused her attention to the task in hand. She looked over at Rory who looked pleased that she and Luke were continuing from where they left off the night before.

"All set?" Lorelai asked with false cheerfulness.

Rory nodded as they pulled away.

"I'm going to miss you so much, what am I going to do without you?" Lorelai whispered, eyes clenched shut as the tears she had tried so hard to keep at bay came dribbling down her cheeks.

"Oh mom, you're not going to be without me, you're just going to be far away from me, but I'm here, I'm always with you" She said earnestly, her own tears were spilling freely.

"Oh kid, I know" The words came out shuddered as Lorelai released them with a large breath.

"…and you have Luke now" Rory said earnestly pulling away to examine her mother who didn't speak. "…you do, don't you? You have Luke? You're going to try again and make it right this time, right? That's what you were talking about at the car?"

There was a familiar air of desperation in Rory's voice that could have easily come from Lorelai's own inner dialogue. She realised in that moment that Rory was more concerned about her even though she was going off into the world on a new adventure. She nodded reassuringly, "Yeah of course" She shook her head as if to shake away her tears and sadness and composed herself.

"Look Rory, I don't want you to worry about me. Luke and I are good, we love each other and he said to call him when I get home and he'll come over so I'm not going to be alone, OK?"

Rory smiled "OK" she said, nodding her head definitively.

"Good, now you just go and take over the world. Be confident, be happy, be you and don't forget to call me as soon as you land"

It was then that they heard a scuffle behind them and "There you are! Richard they're over here"

Emily Gilmore, immaculately dressed, make up perfect and untouched. She smiled at them both.

"Mom? Dad? What are you doing here?"

"We wanted to say goodbye to our granddaughter Lorelai" Richard explained as he appeared next to his wife.

Lorelai looked slightly confused, they had said their goodbyes at the party last night and hadn't mentioned coming to the airport. She realised she didn't really mind though and shrugged "OK". She watched them hug Rory and she hugged her one last time as she walked through to her gate.

She stood sadly trying to smile as Rory looked back at her. As soon as Rory was out of sight, the tears were back, relentlessly trailing down her cheeks. Her mother pressed a tissue into her hand, her dad put an arm round her shoulders.

"Come on Lorelai, we're taking you back to ours, your father will drive your car, you're in no fit state" Emily pronounced confidently, she was able to hide her sadness at Rory's departure better than Lorelai was, maybe she was used to it.

She couldn't argue with what her mother had said, she couldn't imagine driving herself back to stars hollow. She let herself be guided to the car park by her parents.

She stopped once they were by her jeep, "Wait…how did you guys get here? What about your car?"

"Don't worry Lorelai, we got a cab here" Emily said as she slipped into the passenger seat. Richard smiled at her fondly at she watched amused as he contorted his tall body into the driver's seat.

Lorelai frowned in thought as she sat in the back seat, it occurred to her then that her parents had come to the airport for her.


	2. Chapter 2

She flitted between feeling numb and anxious on the drive home, her mind felt like it was spinning, trying to keep up.

She stared glumly out of the car window, her head leant back onto the rest, it lolled to one side as she watched trees and landscapes pass by her. Occasionally she would hear the clipped tones of her mothers voices bickering with the exasperated sighs of her father.

She realised that she had never experienced this before. She had never had the comfort of being driven around like a child whilst her parents argued from the front seats. Growing up they often had drivers and the drives to social events usually involved Emily straightening Richards tie and then scolding Lorelai and laying down rules for the evening on how she was to behave and what she should and shouldn't say.

"Honestly Richard! Would it hurt to drive a little faster?"

Lorelai snapped back into the moment and smiled at her squabbling parents. There was something about it that made her feel an odd sense of calm.

She rolled her head to face the window as another wave of anxiety filled her and overtook the sense of calm she had been feeling a moment ago. The feeling lay heavy on her chest like Paul Anka falling asleep on top of her. His stifling weight and warmth of his fur suffocating her. She opened the window and a rush of cool air hit her face, she closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing.

She couldn't help feeling worried about whatever might be happening with Luke, there was so much to deal with and she didn't know if she would have the energy to trudge through their past. The thought of doing so exhausted her and filled her with dread, what if they couldn't get past it? She would be alone. She tried to remember what Rory had told her but still struggled to get of the darkness that engulfed her.

She opened her eyes, giving up on trying to calm herself. She noticed her mother watching her through the mirror.

"Lorelai? Are you alright?"

"Yeah Mom, I'm fine I just feel a little…" She couldn't finish the sentence, she let the end of the sentence float out of the open car window. There was something about her mother speaking to her with kindness and concern which made her feel exposed and raw to the core.

Her mother seemed to understand and nodded. "Lorelai, you'll come back to ours" she paused and looked at Richard, it was clearly news to him.

Lorelai could only nod, a sense of relief took over, she realised she wanted to delay her return to Stars Hollow and for once in her life she would rather go to her childhood home.

She followed them through the front door quietly. "I'm just going to the bathroom" She declared.

Emily and Richard stood united and watched her go.

When she came out she followed sounds to the living room where they were both perched on the sofa with a drink ready and waiting. She sat carefully and cradled the drink with both hands.

"Thanks" She couldn't bring herself to look at them, her parents who she had such a strained relationship with. Who had failed her, who had disapproved of her, who had surprised her, who had loved her. She felt a strange sort of gratitude towards them now. For once they were giving her everything she needed.

"How about some lunch? You must be starving after having such an early start! Gretchen?!" Emily called for the maid.

"Actually, Rory and I had a pretty huge breakfast"

"You made breakfast at 5am?" Richard looked astonished.

Lorelai smiled at her Dads incredulity "No dad, we ate at Luke's"

Emily's eyebrows raised at this "Oh…Luke's?"

"…but I could always go for something small"

The maid was called in and a variety of orders were barked to her by Emily.

Richard got up and came to sit by her. "Lorelai, your mother and I are….." He started.

"Dad….please I can't handle it"

"Handle what?"

"You and mom being so…." She hated to say it "…caring.." She knew it would cause them to yell at her but she didn't care. Maybe she wanted the distraction.

Her parents both looked affronted at the suggestion that them caring for their daughter was a rare occurrence.

Her mother stood and went to sit by Lorelai's other side, her voice was calm. "Lorelai, we're your parents…..we…." She hesitated before saying the next words but said them anyway. "We love you and want you to be happy"

Lorelai couldn't remember when they'd last exchanged the 'L' word. She was surprised by the under reaction. "Oh"

"Is everything OK? You seemed very distracted in the car" Emily was trying to raise the matter delicately.

Lorelai took a long drink from her glass finishing it and then placed it down with a clink on the clear table in front of her. She clasped her hands together nervously and hung her head. "I'm OK" barely a whisper "…there's just a lot going at the moment, Rory going and now…Lu-" She couldn't say his name out to them, she didn't speak to her parents about her personal problems and especially not Luke. Her voice choked on his name and she tried to stifle her cries but they came anyway and she put her hands over her face.

Emily and Richard exchanged wide eyed glances at each other over Lorelai's hunched frame. It wasn't very often they had seen Lorelai in such an emotional state, almost never had she been vulnerable in front of them like this. Richard put his arm around her frail shoulders and Emily did the same. For once Lorelai allowed them this physical affection.

"…Luke? Are you worried about Luke?" Emily asked with hesitation, she was aware of pushing her daughter to far and they had come so far.

After a few moments, with both Emily and Richard waiting with baited breath, she nodded into her hands.

"…But I thought things were better….after what happened at the party?" They waited for a response. They had both seen the moment between Luke and Lorelai on their way back to the car, they'd both assumed Lorelai would have been sad about Rory but exuberant about her reconciliation with Luke.

Lorelai pulled her hands away from her face and sat up a little straighter. Her parents weren't surprised at her tear stricken face, she was paler than they had ever seen her. She attempted to compose herself. "…you both saw that huh?"

They nodded. "We thought it was a good thing?" The kindness in Richards deep voice only served to make Lorelai emotional again.

"It is…it is" She let the tears come then but spoke rapidly through them. "Its what I want, its what I've always wanted. Luke and I, together, us, being together, living together, marriage and kids….all of it. We could have had it and it went wrong, something that precious and wonderful in my…." She paused and her teeth gritted together angrily "…. _stupid_ hands, and I wrecked it…we have so much to fix before we can be together and even then I don't know if well be able to….I ruin everything…." She was berating herself more than anything at this point. She stood with angry energy.

Emily stood with her, held her arm and guided her back down.

"Nonsense, Lorelai Gilmore, you do not ruin everything, that's a ridiculous thing to say" Emily reprimanded.

Lorelai chuckled tearfully to herself "Well I am ridiculous" she agreed.

"No Lorelai, you are a strong person, and you will get through this with Luke, and if it doesn't work out then I bet it will be nothing to do with you and all to do with him…that cretin!"

Usually Lorelai would step in and get angry at her mother in defence of Luke, but the way her mother was taking her side gave her a warm feeling. "…its not all his fault Mom" her voice was soft and resigned but she smiled.

Emily face remained stubborn "Well its not all your fault either!" She looked so stern and adamant that Lorelai wanted to laugh. Her demeanour changed immediately as she heard Gretchen in the dining room. "Lunch is almost ready, come on, try and eat something"

And eat Lorelai did, she was ravenous all of a sudden and at the table she devoured sandwiches and tiny pastries. Her parents watched in amusement but didn't say anything, they were relieved and comforted by the fact that she hadn't lost her appetite.

After eating Lorelai looked up at them sheepishly. "I guess I was hungrier than I thought" She expected her mother to sniff at her, but instead Emily's eyes remained soft.

"Do you want some more?" Emily asked as Gretchen began to clear away the table.

"No I probably shouldn't" She moved away from the table. She stopped as she stood up and then hesitated. "…do you guys mind if I stay here for a little longer? Maybe watch some TV or something? I don't feel like going back to Stars Hollow yet, and Babette doesn't mind having Paul Anka so…." Her rambling had come to an end, she waited for their response, she knew they would be surprised that she wanted to stick around.

Richard was the first to move as Emily sat rigid contemplating that Lorelai actually wanted to stay a big longer at their house.

"Why of course you can Lorelai" Richard sounded astonished but excited. She could see that he was thinking. "Why don't I get Gretchen to set up the DVD player in the living room and we can all watch something together?" He looked back and forth between Lorelai and Emily.

Emily kicked into action then "Yes…yes that's a wonderful idea. Lorelai?" She was waiting for Lorelai to disagree and make her excuses; her face was so hopeful that Lorelai could only nod in response.

Lorelai moved stiffly to the living room as her parents rushed around 'making arrangements' for their movie. She took a deep breath as she surveyed her surroundings. Everything was changing


	3. Chapter 3

After some hours of sitting watching movies, Lorelai was lost in different world and she let her mind become completely absorbed. It was something she had always been able to do, get lost in film, no matter how stressed she became she could always rely on her favourite movies to escape for a few hours.

Her breathing was calmed and she felt herself become relaxed and almost hypnotised by the lights from the screen. Her parents sat beside her, they were quietly watching but were also cautious to tend to Lorelai's need worried that she might leave at any moment. It felt like a luxury to them to have her here with them on her own accord.

Occasionally the silence was interrupted by Emily checking if Lorelai wanted something to eat or drink.

Lorelai secretly would have liked all her usual movie time candy but she knew there wouldn't be any kept in the house and she knew if she asked for it her mom would be sending the maid out to buy some and didn't want the fuss, so instead she simply said "No I'm full"

After a while her eyes starting to droop heavily and she yawned deeply. Emily noticed immediately. "Would you like to lie down? You could go up to your old bedroom if you like?"

Lorelai looked over, again taken aback by her mother's concern for her. She was acutely aware that she couldn't risk driving herself home being this tired.

"Ah…thanks Mom but do you mind if I just lay down here?" Ordinarily her mom would say no, falling asleep in ones living room was not proper but Lorelai asked anyway since they were being so accommodating, she had a sense they would give her anything she wanted at this moment.

Her parents exchanged glances as if the request was unfathomable before Richard spoke. "Of course Lorelai, I'll get Gretchen to fetch you some blankets" He left the room promptly.

Lorelai looked sheepishly at her mother, "Sorry its just I like having the sound of the movies in the background…soothing you know?" She said softly and sadly.

Emily's eyes shined, there was something so fragile about her daughter right now, her words held no malice, no sarcasm. It was just sheer sadness and a fear of being left alone. It struck her that she felt like her mother for once.

"I understand Lorelai, its no trouble" After a moment she tilted her head "Does Luke know you're here?"

Lorelai's eyes widened at these words "Oh! God no I…." She said and scrambled around looking frantically for her handbag where her cell was kept.

Emily stood with a smile and went to leave the room. "It's OK, I'll get it"

Lorelai let herself fall back down onto the couch, "Thanks mom" she said cradling her head in her hands. Luke would be worrying about her, she knew she should tell him where she was but there was a part of her that wanted to delay thinking about it for a while longer.

Her mother marched back into the room holding her back before her. "Thanks" Lorelai reached for it and immediately felt inside to retrieve her cell. She could see it flashing. "Oh gosh" She whispered.

"He's been trying to get hold of you?"

She nodded, her eyes still transfixed to the screen which was telling her that Luke had tried to contact her no less than 10 times throughout the day. There were a few voice messages too and she reluctantly listened to them.

 _ **"Lorelai? Its me Luke. Look I figure you might need space and all and that's fine, whatever you want but please let me know if you're OK. Its fine if you don't want to see me, but I know you're not home yet and I just need….I just need to know you're safe…OK, bye"**_

She felt terrible then, he was right to be concerned, she had told him she would call him when she was back and he had assumed that would have been hours ago.

Their last conversation felt like it had occurred in another life time and she had lost track of the day, she felt selfish for not wanting to speak with him especially with her mom studying her so she decided a message would suffice. She text him saying she was fine and would be home soon and not to worry and then pocketed her cell.

Her father laid the blankets on the couch and she settled back into them, her mother uncharacteristically pulled a blanket over her shoulders and tucked the edges in. Their eyes met briefly "Thanks mom, look you guys don't have to sit with me, I know you have things to do, IM fine I should just nap a little before driving back, that's all" she tried to smile at them to show them she meant it.

"Ok Lorelai, well we're here if you need us" and they both left the room.

Her eyes shut and she let herself drift.

Some hours later Emily peeked through the open living room door, her daughter had slept for just over an hour. She stood over, her once pale face now had a flush of colour. She always marvelled at Lorelai's beauty, people were always telling her what a pretty daughter she had. Rory had a understated beauty about her but Lorelai was breath taking. She reached her hand out to gently brush over her cheek with the back of her finger agonising over whether she should wake her, it was just after 5pm now.

Just as she contemplating leaving her for another 20 minutes, Lorelai's eyes fluttered open. "Hey"

"I was just wondering whether I should wake you"

"What time is it?" Lorelai asked sitting up and pushing the blankets off of her, her body stiff from the firm sofa. She looked at clock on the wall and her movements became faster. "Oh gosh, I better get going"

Her mother stepped back to allow her to stand up "Is Luke waiting for you?" She asked wryly, hoping to get an update on their relationship status and wanting to know whether Lorelai would be retuning to an empty house.

Lorelai was adjusting her bag strap onto her shoulder as she responded with hesitation. "He's there if I want him to be, I just can't handle re hashing everything just yet…." She paused "Not today"

Emily nodded. "well you could always sleep here for the night?" She asked hopefully, worried about what Lorelai would do in her home alone.

Lorelai shook her head, beginning to walk out of the room. "No I….I need to get Paul Anka, and….and I cant avoid going back forever….thanks for letting me…." She gestured towards the sofa and Tv.

"Anytime"

Lorelai was at the doorway, she smiled over at her father who had come out of his study. "See you guys Friday then?"

They nodded as she turned to step outside the open front door.

"Lorelai?"

Lorelai turned to look back.

"You'll fix it…you and Luke…it'll all work out"

Lorelai nodded and averted her eyes.

She parked her car in front of the garage as usual and made a beeline for Babette front door, she prayed that the conversation exchange that would inevitably take place would be kept to a minimum. She just wanted her dog and to get in the house.

Babette opened the door whilst Lorelai hand was a centimetre away from the doorbell. "Hey Suga! Morey heard you pull into the driveway and I figured you'd stop by to get Paul Anka, he's missed yo-" Before she could finish her sentence Paul Anka came rushing past her legs and jumped onto Lorelai, his paws braced on the tops of her thighs.

Lorelai laughed, the first true laugh in the last couple of days. "Thanks Babette….hey boy….Paul Anka….mommys home…you miss mommy?" She scratched behind his ears and gazed at him fondly.

"You wanna stay for dinner Suga?" Babette interrupted the petting, her eyes wide.

Lorelai politely declined and noticed that Babette didn't put up much of a fight, she must have looked worse than she thought. She gratefully took Paul Anka and walked back to her house, sighing deeply as she entered. She avoided going into Rorys bedroom, instead she went straight upstairs to her bathroom. Her own reflection startled her.

"Woah" she gasped to herself, no wonder her parents had been treating her like a china doll. Her face was only left with the barest remnants of the make up shed applied very early that morning. She had a few uneven smudges of eyeliner round her eyes, her lips were dry and lipstick free from the nervous chewing and her hair was flat and messy from her nap.

She turned on the shower and let it run whilst she brushed her teeth vigorously making an effort to also scrub her lips to slough away the dryness. She shed her clothes and stepped into the steamy shower cubicle, taking care to massage her scalp as she washed her hair to alleviate the tension in her head. She stepped out and wrapped herself in a towel and without drying herself or combing through her wet hair she lay her damp body into her bed.


End file.
